Fool's Kisses
by SoundGeare
Summary: Naruto has been cursed by a sadistic ghost. If he doesn't kiss a girl by the end of the day, he will die. Why do females seem to hate him?


In the dark, Naruto floated among old thoughts and dreamscapes. A world that sometimes entertained him and sometimes terrified him. In this world that had always been his own, he wasn't alone.

_You have until the end of the day…_

"To do what?" Naruto asked, a chill sliding up his spine. One second he had been alone, the next there was this presence here with him. It was unsettling.

_Kiss a girl by the end of the day…_

"Pshh," Naruto scoffed, "That's too easy."

Laughter echoed off of invisible walls, the volume growing in Naruto's ears until it began to hurt.

_Or you'll die…_

Naruto's felt his body become icy. He opened his mouth to reply with a clever comeback, but no sound came out. He tried and tried to speak, but it was impossible.

All he could hear was that terrible laughter growing louder and louder until it was deafening. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Ahead of him the pale eyes loomed over him, growing larger until they were all he could see. Blank eyes and haunting laughter.

And fear and pain…

_Tick, tock, watch the clock…_

* * *

Naruto awoke in a cold sweat. His breath was ragged and his eyes were darting around the room. Searching for the source of the laughter, searching for the dead eyes.

He shook his head, it was just a dream, a nightmare.

After a few more moments he had calmed down, convinced himself fully that it was only a dream.

Once his heart had slowed from its lightning quick tempo, Naruto got out of bed and proceeded to get dressed.

Looking at the small calendar he kept by his bed, Naruto noticed that it was the start of a new month. "Bye-bye March," He muttered as he flipped the page.

His stomach growled, announcing its emptiness.

Rubbing his stomach hungrily, Naruto muttered, "Yum, morning ramen. Can't wait."

Shutting and locking the door behind him, Naruto headed out to get some ramen from Ichiraku.

* * *

Naruto set aside his second bowl, stacking it atop its predecessor.

"One more please!" he said, his mouth still full of noodles.

Less than a minute later, Ayame set down a bowl of ramen in front of him. "Dig in." she said happily.

But as Naruto raised his chopsticks to do just that, she began to speak again.

"Hey Naruto, what's that on your hand?"

"Huh?" Naruto muttered, looking down at his hands.

On the back of his left hand, there was a black spot. It was darkest the center and got lighter near the edges.

As Naruto watched, the border of the mark crept outward by an inch.

_One day, heheh. You'll never survive if you spend all day eating ramen… Heheh…_

Naruto's eyes shot open, his jaw muscles going slack. It wasn't just a dream. That had been real. This black spot on his hand, it must be a curse mark or something.

With a sudden shower of dread, Naruto realized he'd never been any good with girls. And now his life depended on kissing one. He was going to die….

_Better hurry… Heheh…_

Reaching into his pocket, Naruto pulled out a handful of money. He threw it down hurriedly on the counter and nearly fell out of his chair.

He needed to find a girl. He needed to kiss a girl.

He'd never kissed a girl before in his life!

* * *

Naruto sprinted through the crowded street, sweat running down his face and neck. His gaze swung back and forth frantically, searching for a girl he knew, someone he could kiss.

It had to be someone he already knew. He wasn't very good with the ladies so he wouldn't be able to just find some girl and woo her.

"Maybe," Naruto muttered to himself, "I can tell her about this curse. She'd have to kiss me then, unless she wanted me to die."

_Nope…_

"What!" Naruto growled.

_You can't tell the girl about the curse. If you tell her, you'll die on the spot. I'll kill you right there…_

"Are you kidding me!"

_Heheh…_

"Fine!" Naruto whispered, hoping that nobody heard him talking to himself. That definitely wouldn't help him get a kiss.

Naruto spotted a flash of pink hair in the distance and his heart leapt. Maybe he could kill two bird with one stone. He could kiss Sakura AND escape death. That sounded like a pretty sweet deal.

But as Naruto neared her, his courage and resolve faded almost completely.

By the time he reached her, Naruto wasn't sure if he'd be able to go through with it. But when he realized she was headed home, and that this might be his last chance, Naruto caught her attention.

"Hey, Sakura!" he said.

She stopped just before entering her house. Turning around, she said cheerfully, "Oh, hi Naruto."

However, once he was face to face with her, his resolve melted.

"Umm, well, I, uh…"

"What is it Naruto? I'm pretty busy. If you need something, just say it." Sakura said, starting to look irritated.

"It's, well," Naruto stopped and took a deep breath. "Ican'treallytellyouwhybutIneedyou tokissme!" He exclaimed in one breath.

Sakura stared at him for a moment before she deciphered the outburst.

"What! No!" She exclaimed.

"Come on!" Naruto begged, knowing his life was on the line. "It's really important! Please!"

"No Naruto."

"Please!"

"No."

"Please Sakura! It's really important, but I can't tell you why! I-"

Suddenly pushed beyond her breaking point, Sakura lashed out and launched a fist into Naruto's face.

He collapsed to the ground and slid for a few feet before coming to a stop.

"Just, leave me alone Naruto." Sakura growled.

Then she turned and disappeared into her house, leaving Naruto out in the street.

"What am I gonna do now?" Naruto muttered.

_Die?_

"No," he said, climbing to his feet. "It's time for plan B!"

_I can't wait. Maybe this one will kill you for me._

"Shutup!"

* * *

Naruto wandered the practice areas. If he wasn't going to kiss Sakura, then there were only a few more choices.

He definitely didn't want to kiss Ino. That would be nearly as bad as not kissing anyone. And Naruto didn't really know TenTen, so that was probably out of the question.

So that left only one girl, and he'd last seen Hinata at the training posts.

And surely enough, he found her practicing at the third area he came too. She was sparring with one of the posts, throwing punches and kicks against the solid wood surface.

"Hi Hinata!" He said.

Hinata froze mid-punch.

After a few seconds the paralysis wore off and she turned around meekly to face him.

"Hi, um, Naruto."

"I've got a favor to ask," Naruto said.

"What is it?" Hinata asked curiously.

"I need you to, uh, kiss me."

Her eyes shot open as far as they would go, and she froze again. This time she didn't snap out of it as quickly.

"You, w-want me to, k-kiss you?" she said, her voice trembling. The rest of her was trembling too, Naruto observed, and she seemed as if she was about pass out.

Then she passed out.

Naruto tried to lung forward and catch her, but he wasn't fast enough and she hit her head against the post she had been training on.

_Wow, you showed me. I said she'd kill you, then you went and killed her. Good job…_

"Shutup!" Naruto growled. "Shutupshutupshutup!"

Naruto bent down and picked up the unconscious Hinata. He didn't have any time to waste, but he didn't want to leave her out here like this.

Looking around frantically, Naruto saw a person walking in the distance. Squinting his eyes, he realized it was grandma Tsunade.

Breaking into a run, Naruto caught up with her quickly and was soon standing beside the woman with the too-young body and the too-old eyes.

"Grandma Tsunade!" Naruto said, "Hinata fainted and she hit her head. She needs to go to the hospital."

The Hokage was silent for a second, before leaning closer and inspecting Hinata's head. There was a fresh lump growing on the left side of her skull.

"You're right." She said dryly, "Good for you that you know that. Now take her there."

"But Granny, I've got something I need to be doing. Something important."

Tsunade cocked an eyebrow then let out a chuckle, "You're talking to me? You've got something important to be doing? I'm the Hokage. I don't even have time for this walk."

"It's a matter of life and death," Naruto said, "I can't tell you all of it but if I use up too much time, someone might die today."

"Oooh, interesting." She said, "Fine, I'll take her. Go do your, important thing."

"Thanks granny!" Naruto said enthusiastically, handing over the unconscious Hinata.

He turned around and started to run in search of another kissable girl.

_What about her?_

"Who?"

_The blonde._

With shock, Naruto realized the voice was talking about Tsunade.

"No, and eww."

_Are you sure? She's pretty hot._

"She's fifty!" Naruto exclaimed, at a whisper though. Tsunade might still be in earshot.

_Fine, have it your way…_

Suddenly Naruto felt an itch on his left arm. Pulling up the sleeve, he saw that the curse mark had spread from his hand and was now occupying the majority of his arm.

_Heheh, hurry up…_

* * *

Sprinting into another practice area, Naruto found Lee practicing his taijutsu.

"Hey Lee!" Naruto shouted, "Have you seen TenTen?"

The greenclad ninja suddenly stopped his rapid movement, saying, "I have not. TenTen is out on an assignment with Neji and I have been left behind to raise the quality of my technique."

Lee lowered his head dramatically so that he was staring at his feet.

"Oh, um, thanks." Naruto said, turning to leave the practice areas.

"Naruto! What did you want with TenTen?" Lee asked suddenly, his curiosity burning with the heat of a thousand suns.

"Nothing really." Naruto shouted back as he headed back toward the town.

_You wanted to smooch her. Heheh…_

"Shutup." Naruto muttered.

* * *

Naruto stood outside the flowershop, his whole body rebelling at the thought of kissing Ino.

"Do I really have to do it?" Naruto begged the voice.

_Heheh, yes._

"What if I ask you nicely, say please. Then will you free me from this?"

_Sure._

The answer came as a sudden shock to Naruto. "Are you serious!"

_No, kiss the Ino girl._

Just hearing the words made Naruto start to feel sick.

"No," He muttered, "I'd rather die than d-do that."

_Okay_

Suddenly a wave of pain washed over Naruto. His legs gave out beneath him and he fell to the floor in a squirming mass. His limbs shook and his vision was cloudy. It felt like his heart might explode at any second.

Naruto was barely able to force out the words, "I, was, joking."

The pain subsided and Naruto was able to climb shakily back to his feet.

"Fine, I'll do it." Naruto muttered grimly.

The voice just laughed at him.

Naruto walked unsteadily into the shop and straight up to the front counter where Ino was working.

"Oh, uh, hi Naruto. I didn't know you liked flowers." She said, awkwardly.

"I don't," Naruto said, his voice still shaky from the immense pain. "I need to ask you a favor. It's something really important and just, please help me."

Suddenly intrigued, Ino leaned forward onto the counter and said, "Really? What do you need?"

"I need you to kiss me."

Ino looked at him for a moment, then burst out laughing. "Are, are you serious?" She demanded through the laughter, "No."

"What? I need this Ino!" Naruto exclaimed, "If you don't I'll-"

_I'm warning you…_

"Please…" Naruto begged.

"Are you deaf?" Ino growled, starting to get irritated, "I said no, just get outa here."

"If you don't I'll, I'll…"

_Don't_

"I'm not gonna kiss a little pervert like you, now just get outa my store."

Suddenly his despair took hold of him and Naruto jumped forward. Maybe it would count if he kissed her. Maybe then he wouldn't die. Ino would probably forgive him after it was over.

As he flew backward, Naruto's only thought was that Ino punched much harder than Sakura did.

The last sound Naruto heard before passing out was the voice's dark laughter in his ears.

* * *

When Naruto came to, the first thing he noticed was the burning itch all over his body. Sitting up quickly, he looked down at his hands and realized they were both pitch black. He pulled open his jacket and looked inside his shirt.

His whole chest was as black as his shirt.

Naruto sighed and leaned back against the pillow.

The Pillow?

Naruto looked around and realized he was in a hospital. Wow, Ino did hit hard.

"Um, hi n-naruto."

Naruto jumped and looked around for the source of the voice. It didn't take long to realize Hinata was sitting in the bed next to him.

"Oh, hi Hinata."

"I'm g-glad you're okay." She said, blushing.

"Thanks, I'm sorry about, well, putting you here."

"About that," Hinata said, "W-why did you want to, k-kiss m-me?"

Naruto sighed. There wasn't anyone left for him to kiss, so he was as good as dead already.

He explained the events of the day, the voice, the curse mark, everything. Hinata sat and listened to the whole tale, then asked him why he hadn't told her this before.

"The, uh, voice told me that if I told anyone, it would kill me."

Hinata's face registered shock and a small amount of fear. "Then why did you tell me right now? Doesn't that mean you're going to die?"

Naruto looked away from her, "I guess I've given up. There's no one left who will kiss me, and the day is almost over. I'm dead either way, right?"

He sighed, and Hinata looked at him. She'd never seen him like this. He'd always appeared strong and confident, but where had this come from? Now he was just giving up, submitting to death. No, she couldn't let him do that.

"N-Naruto." She said resolutely, "You can, k-kiss m-me."

He jumped and looked at her. "Are you sure?"

Hinata nodded, then closed her eyes.

"What are you doing that for?" Naruto asked, confused.

"I don't w-want to p-pass out ag-gain."

Naruto shrugged then got out of his bed slowly. He crossed the distance between them quickly and within seconds he was just a few inches away from her.

Taking a deep breath, Naruto leaned closer and kissed her. Naruto pulled away as the embarrassment flooded him, but the kiss was long enough for him to remember to feel of her lips against his.

Naruto realized that Hinata's cheeks were burning much brighter than his own and, as he watched, she started to collapse into unconsciousness.

This time, however, Naruto was able to catch her before she hit the floor. He laid her back into her bed and whispered a quick thankyou before returning to his own bed.

Suddenly the voice returned, its hysterical laughter filling Naruto's head.

"Why didn't I die when I told her?" Naruto whispered, annoyed for some reason.

_I can't believe you fell for it…_

"What do you mean?"

_April fool's stupid!_

"Are you serious? What the heck did you do that for? Why did you make me think you were going to kill me?" Naruto growled at the voice.

_I was bored, and you were an easy target. Heheh…_

"Well who are you?" Naruto demanded.

_I'm Stanley the Sadistic Specter, and I got you!_

The voice didn't say anything else, and Naruto had nothing left to say to it.

He lay in the narrow hospital bed, waiting for the obnoxious sound of cackling to fade away from his mind.

* * *

While I wrote this, I realized this is a combination of Adventure Time plots. If Magic Man had been present during To Cut a Woman's Hair. It would probably be this. If Magic Man was an invisible, psychic ghost.

Anyway, please review to let me know how you liked it.


End file.
